My walk with God was at arms length for the longest time, close enough that I occasionally felt him and could act godly in front of people. But I was also far enough away where I could keep all the things I wanted, stay the same and not have to live a boring life.
What I came to realize was that as I put my arms out to push God away, he would grab my hands and slowly pull me closer inch by inch. Slowly the chains were being broken, I was feeling whole..and my life wasn't boring! God was and still is breaking down a barrier that no one in my life had ever climbed over or even attempted. His way was different though, all he did was love me and continuously show me grace and mercy. He loves me when my heart was nothing but shattered pieces on the floor. The closer I walked next to him the more I desired to lose myself and the selfish and self-fulfilling lifestyle I had been leading.
Lately though, God hasn't just been asking me to walk with him but he asked if I would let him carry me. I was so hesitant to completely fall before God and be so raw and vulnerable with him that I would allow him to carry me. This week I decided to let him carry me, I came before Him with tears streaming down my face begging him for him to hold me!!!! I couldn't do it anymore, my heart was breaking and only his love could heal what man had broken!
Being close to God's heart is this constant warmth, joy, peace, and most of all being overwhelmed by his love. And when the world yells at me saying "YOU WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING, YOUR WORTHLESS, YOUR UGLY, FAT, AND WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!" God whispers "Your here because I have a plan for you my child, and because I love you more than you can comprehend."
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